Many people feel excited about the coming holiday season and begin planning, and remembering past celebrations and good family times together. The media and ads often hype the coming season both because it is a shared experience in the mass market and also because it is a productive way to encourage shopping to boost sales and business. The festive lights and special events are also ways to increase excitement and celebration. So what’s wrong with it all?

The thing that can go wrong is that people build up their expectations and typically remember only the positive aspects of previous family experiences. Then when reality strikes and there is conflict at the dinner table among family members, or rekindling of old strains and resentments and jealousies, people become greatly disappointed and dispirited.

What to do? Manage your expectations. Try to be realistic when imagining your family visits. Keep in mind that it is very difficult for us mere mortals to live up to Norman Rockwell paintings. Realize that family members have flaws and try to concentrate on giving rather than getting. Contemplating what you are grateful for and trying to create meaningful experiences with loved ones can counteract some of the inevitable disappointments that might occur. Then if things go well, it will serve as an added benefit to the gratefulness and meaningfulness you are working on constructing.

Here’s hoping you have an enjoyable and meaningful holiday season!